We know it can be tough having someone inside. We have been happy to answer your emails and messages, and still will!
We noticed that many questions you asked were also asked by others. To be able to support as many as can, we have now set up a private Facebook group. It’s a safe place where we can ask questions and share our experiences so we can support each other!
https://www.facebook.com/groups/265198405043759/
We live hours away from the prison and I had hung out for this visit. Being so far away we don’t get to visit often. After waiting in the queue at the reception desk I approached the counter, smiled and said my name and who I had come to see. The woman looked at the computer then back at me and said calmly, ‘You don’t have a visit booked in.’
I felt the stares of everyone in the room piercing my back. I knew they were uncomfortable. I could feel the tension in the room growing as I stood there.
I know I had a visit booked! I had spent ages on the phone trying to organise a special visit (meaning a double visit) due to living so far away. Three days ago the manager had phoned me back and said it was all organised. And now, my visit was no longer in the system! Frustration was putting it mildly after driving for hours that morning, and now knowing I wouldn’t be seeing my son again for a long time.
The woman at the desk tried to be helpful. She apologised and told that unfortunately nothing could be done. No visit was going to happen that day. I could make another appointment though.
Only someone who has had deal with the prison system knows the helplessness that you feel when things like this happen. it would have been easy to just accept the fact and walk away. Who has spare energy when faced with a system like Corrections.
But not having a visit would affect more than just me. It would also affect the person I was going to visit. You may call it stubborn, but I felt I had the right to ask for this to be fixed. I gave myself permission to remain there, with everyone watching on, and kindly asked to speak to the manager.,
Dealing with the Corrections system is difficult at the best of times. However you have a right to see wrongs that happen in the system addressed. When something doesn’t go as it should, I encourage you not to walk out that door and just say that is the prison system, nothing can work. Instead stand up! Know you have a right to good service. Use your voice for the sake of yourself and the person inside. Ask to speak to a superior!
After being firm about wanting to speak to a manager, one came. The man tried nicely to explain the challenges they had with letting me visit at this time. I told the person calmly and politely that I understood their challenges, however it was not my problem that one of his staff made a mistake in the visits system. The manager was generous enough to listen, and I offered a practical solution – the outcome, a visit was granted in a family interview room.
It may be a visit that wasn’t put in the system when you had booked it, or a document you sent in now gone missing.. Just because you have someone inside doesn’t mean you have no rights. You do have rights and you have permission to ask for resolution of issues, either at the time, or through avenues such as the Department of Corrections, or the Ombudsman where all else fails.
You may not always get what you should, but remember, mistakes will continue to be made, and there will be little change for the better unless we all support each other to stand strong and use our voice when we need to!
I saw yellow and black posters on the wall. R U OK? September 10 is the national R U Ok day in Australia. A day to ask others who may be struggling R U Ok? I know how critical it is that we make sure each other are OK but right now, I don’t know anyone that is OK.
With COVID-19, the consequences of bushfires and drought, remembrance of Christchurch shootings. We are all to some degree or another not OK and that is OK!
When you have someone inside, its also normal to be not OK. Just like if you have received a diagnosis of cancer and don’t know if the treatment will work or not, or you have lost your job and there doesn’t seem to be any new jobs that fit your skills advertised. You don’t need to pretend you are travelling along fine when you are not.
Because you shed many tears wondering how on earth having someone inside could happen to you doesn’t mean you have something wrong with you. It means you are a normal human being who is trying the best they can to deal with an abnormal situation where you have very little control. It’s not ok!
You may have already gone through a lot of emotional or physical abuse prior to the person going inside. That’s not ok! The bills might be piling up and you don’t know how you are going to pay the next one because there is not the other person who was there previously to bring in the money. It’s not ok. You may have just got off the phone hearing and been told about some of the harsh things that can happen inside and you feel so helpless. It’s not ok!
A reader shared this week that they knew they were not ok and reached out to an organisation just cause they needed someone to talk to that might help make sense of the chaos (see our list of organisations in your area). They received a phone call from a person who had gone through the experience of someone inside. It was someone that knew what they were going through. Someone that helped make some sense.
The reader said they don’t know where they would be if it wasnt for that phone call. They said just talking to someone who knew what it felt like to have someone inside made such a difference. Someone who told them it’s ok to be not ok. Someone that didn’t however leave them in that space but gave them hope.
This week, take some time to be kind to yourself. Let yourself sit with that hot drink a little longer, breathe a deep breath. And if someone asks you R U OK? feel their care and share your pain a little more… cause one day you will be more ok than you are today. You will get through this!
If you are feeling its all a bit overwhelming (which is normal too when you have a person inside) and don’t have someone to talk to, call LIFELINE: Australia 131114 or text 0477 13 11 14 or New Zealand Call 0800 LIFELINE (0800 543 354) or text HELP (4357) for free.
Where you see others who might be struggling, don’t forget to ask if they are ok, listen to them, encourage them to take action and don’t forget to check in with them too.
