A visit cut short

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leaves

This week I saw it again.  A person taken away from the visiting room unexpectedly and their loved one left sitting.. crying.

I wanted to walk over and give her a hug. Before I could move, a kind hearted prison warden was by her side with their hand on her shoulder comforting her, handing her a tissue. Bless that prison warden!

I wanted to say to the woman ‘ You are not alone’. I too have been where you are and felt the shame. At the time it happened on my visit I knew that if the wardens saw and heard the threats and abuse, everyone else in the room did too. I felt so helpless and pathetic. I could see the others looking at me. I didn’t want their sympathy. I just wished that the floor would swallow me up!

I wanted to tell the woman that no-one in that room would have looked down on her in judgement. Instead, we sit with her in her grief. Many of us have visited someone who was responding out of anger, frustration, whatever had just happened in the unit, or was still unsaid from previous conversations.  It was not my fault nor that particular women that the other person decided to let it out on us in our visit.

I don’t think those inside realise sometimes how much it takes to walk inside a prison for a visit, the impact of sitting in court, dealing with questions let alone trying to manage what else life throws at you.  Many don’t understand how much energy it takes to hold the pain of everyone in the family outside alongside of the person inside too.  Don’t they say the loved ones get hurt the most!

I hope that when the time is safe, right and the pain has eased that this woman will feel able to come again and hold her head up. I know she will come again.. we often live with the expectation this is our role and we need to be there.  Sometimes, we need to take a break from visiting for our own sanity, and to show that although we can understand why it happens, that it isn’t healthy or appropriate.  It can highlight that we need to review those boundaries.

Next time you see that woman, or that man who had their visit cut short, take the opportunity to smile at them. Tell them to keep strong. Let them know that as a community with someone inside that we are with them.  Let’s show we care!

Check out an earlier post on this topic ‘Visiting room sabotage’.

 

Auckland South Corrections Facility (Kohuora) useful information

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Auckland South Corrections Facility is also known as Kohuora, or commonly called Wiri Prison.

You can find good information to help you when you have someone inside at Kohuora on the Auckland South Corrections Facility website.  This includes information on contacting a person, visiting, what it is like inside Kohuora, how to put money into a prisoners account, and a video clip on supporting a person in the facility.

An information booklet on Kohuora is also available here

Contact Details

Address:

Physical address:
21 Kiwi Tamaki Road (off Roscommon Road)
Wiri
Auckland 2104

To locate on google maps click here

Postal address:
Private Bag 94065
Auckland 2241

Phone:  +64 9 250 5900

Organisations that can support you in Auckland

Te Pa (used to be called PARS) provides practical assistance to prisoners, ex-prisoners and their whanau in Auckland

Pillars  (Pillars Ka Pou Whakahou) is a charity that actively supports the tamariki and whānau of people in prison or those serving a community-based sentence.

There are other New Zealand wide organisations that may also be able to provide support.  Click here to be taken to the New Zealand Support Organisations page.

Life Inside

See inside Wiri’s new prison

New prison opens in South Auckland

Return to the home page

Coronavirus

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A new word has entered the vocabulary of most of us.  Coronavirus or COVID-19.  There has been panic buying leaving no toilet paper or hand sanitiser in many supermarkets. Both New Zealand and Australia have gone into various stages of  lock down to try to curb the rising numbers of people testing positive for COVID-19.  The world is certainly a different place than a month ago!

For those of us with someone inside, the fear of what might happen to them is also not far from the front of our minds.  Will there be an outbreak in prison?  Will this mean  more violence? So far the worst nightmare of COVID-19 entering the prisons and people detained getting unwell has not happened either in Australia or New Zealand thanks to the efforts of Corrections staff to try to keep the place free from the virus.

This does mean however that visits have been stopped, and in some prisons total lock down to cells is also being implemented to help people stay safe – especially for new people coming into the prison. More resources are being given to increase access to emails and phone calls.  Phone cards are even being provided each week in New Zealand so that people can make contact with those at home.

I try to concentrate on the efforts that have been made to stop the virus from getting into the prison.  Sure I don’t like that we cannot visit and especially that there are longer lock up times.  At times I also have those ‘what if’ thoughts.  Thinking negatively though can drain us and lead us from anxiety to rumination to depression.

Now is the time to stand up to those thoughts and move into a different way of thinking.  Instead of fear, we can come from a strength that although we know there is little we can do about the situation, we can stay safe and positive for our person inside. It may be difficult but we can choose to stay strong because they need us to.  We may be getting a little taste of being inside through the lock down where we cannot leave and do all the things we want.  I am using it to think of other ways I can support my person inside when I email – which I am doing more regularly so that we are still keeping connected.  I too have given the lecture on how to hand wash properly just to make sure though (yes there are some good you tube clips if you are not sure you are washing your hands properly to get rid of all germs). 

We know this virus may move on, or it may stay with us and we all adapt to life differently.  I remind myself that this situation is temporary and there will be a time we will see our loved ones again soon. In the meantime I remind myself that they and ourselves are as safe as can be. 

You are not alone.  We are in this together where ever we live.

Kia Kaha – Stay strong!