Support for family and friends of people in prison in Australia and New Zealand

The headlines say what you may have already heard from your loved ones.

You may have had difficulty believing the stories you might have heard.  It might be that you have had very little to do with prisons and cannot think that this might occur.  You may also have difficulty because you know all too well that fights occur in prison and that it is best not to believe it so that you do not worry about the safety of your loved one.

Prison is not always a safe place.  Unfortunately compromises do get made sometimes for safety of a person.  Fights do occur as the article states.  If one does not fight when demanded, more punishment may be given them.  Research shows prison rape does occur.  Sometimes people get seriously injured.  Sometimes people can use money to pay for protection.  It is hard to accept this is reality.

When it comes to the guards turning a blind eye, watching the events, or setting up a context where food for example was fought over is more than challenging.  Seeing these things on the news brings the reality right into your face.

So, does this occur in all prisons?  Yes, fights do occur amongst inmates at times in all prisons.

What can one do?  If you or your person have concerns about safety in a correction facility, please speak to a social worker or officer from the facility. Complaints can be made to correctional facilities and the process to do this is listed on the correction facility website for your area.  You can encourage your person to make a complaint however your person inside may not want you to make a complaint for fear of their safety even more.  This can be difficult for you to decide what to do.  Agencies such as PARS and Prisoners Aid can be helpful to talk to if you are unsure what you can do.

So how do I sleep at night knowing this?  I pray!  Drawing on your beliefs can help you deal with the situations that seen impossible at the time.  Many people speak of having a peace when acting with their belief systems.  I know there is little I can do help my person inside right now and so I rely on my faith to help us both get through. Has my loved one been hurt?  Yes they have, but they are still alive.  At one time I thought they would become so hard because of their experiences and never recover. This hasn’t happened.

As much as this news item is distressing to me, I can use this knowledge to understand the anxiety they might come to visits with.  This information can also help me understand the challenges one may face inside and the impact it can have on a person emotionally.  My loved one may seem to be emotionless when I visit or they phone. I know that shutting off their emotions be a coping strategy for them.  The person I visit may say they do not want to talk about what is happening inside.   Knowing that sometimes things can be hard, I can respect that request and talk about other things that I may think are boring or normal.  The normal may be what the person I visit wants to hear the most, especially when things inside are not normal.

I can choose not to take it personally and feel insulted when my loved one doesn’t seem to be caring or say things I want to hear.  Instead I can understand that they need me to be a safe person for them.

Someone who will accept them and not make unrealistic demands of them at this time.