Here are some common questions people have at this time. As well as the answers below, here are two very good resources with a lot of information. Please note these documents have been developed for either Australia or New Zealand. There is very good information for families and friends of prisoners in either country. There are also some things that are only relevant to either Australia or New Zealand. Please do not hesitate to ask the correction facility staff or community agency workers if you are unsure if something applies in your area.
Links to these resources and others can also be found on our Where to get support page.
Common Questions
Please click on the question below that you want to find more about.
How can I find out where a person is?
Not knowing where a person may be being held can be very frustrating. Due to the processing time in each facility it may be that you will not hear from your person for up to a week.
If you have not heard from your person you may contact the Correction Service in area and ask them. Information on how to contact them to locate where a prisoner is being held is available on the website for each state (with the exception of ACT) and NZ. You can access the Correction Service websites by going to our Correctional Facility Information page and looking under your country/ state.
When enquiring about a person, you may be asked for the person’s full name, date of birth, address, as well as your name and contact details. It is helpful to have these at hand if phoning or emailing the Correction Service.
What do I say to family, friends, and children?
Family and Friends
A lot of people feel very ashamed when someone they love has been sentenced to prison. You may go through times where you feel guilty and wonder what you could have done differently to avoid this. The answer is more likely that there is little that you or other can have done as the person has made choices and is now facing the consequences of those choices. Because of the shame however, many people do not want to talk about where their loved one is to others. This is to protect oneself from judgement, and as someone said – to be able to still have friends as it is realised that some people do not want to visit again once they know what has happened.
Protecting oneself from unnecessary judgement and pain is important. However it is also just as important to be able to have people who can support you. For people to do this, they do need to know what you are going through right now. Think through your list of family and friends and determine who is a person that you generally go to that you can tell almost anything, and that person will still stand by you without judgement. It may be a family member, however in some cases it may be that someone else fills this role better. You may want to tell that person what is happening so that you can approach them anytime knowing that they will understand and listen. It may be that you only tell the outcome of the sentencing, and do not feel you can fill the person in with the nature of the crime. Remember this decision on how much you share is up to you. It is suggested that you have at least one person that you can go to that can support you this way.
For others, decide who is important to know this information and who isn’t. This will depend on your relationship with people. It is up to you to decide who you tell and why you tell. There are government agencies that you may need to tell what is happening so you can be supported financially or in other ways. It is important that you do not feel that you have to tell people, even family members, where you think this will make you uncomfortable, and there is no reason they need to know. When these people question where your person is, you may say something general such as they are away for a few months in another area. If people question further, do not feel you need to provide this information but change the subject. This may take a little practice until you can do this with ease.
Sometimes you might think after telling someone that you have told the wrong person and feel you may not be able to trust them with this knowledge to support you after all. This can happen and it is not easy to take back information once shared. Do not be too hard on yourself, but use it as a learning experience in who your real supports are in life.
Children
You may be worried about what to say to children about your person being imprisoned. There might be fears that children will not understand, that children may feel responsible, or you may be afraid if children know the truth that they may tell other people who you do not want to know. Children can sense that something is different, and the stress that might go with this. They will be aware that a person in their lives is no longer coming home every day. Often there is a fear that children think they too, or other important people in their lives might be taken away.
Every family is different,and the reason some is imprisoned is different. It is important however that children are talked to openly about someone being in prison. It is helpful for them to know some facts about the situation,and be given opportunity to ask questions and talk about how they are feeling so that they can feel secure. A good website to show children is put out by Just us. Click here to view the website. This website can help you explain to children about prison. A booklet that also may be helpful is Explaining Prison to Children put out by the Australian Prison Foundation. There are community agencies in most areas that can provide support for your and your children. Please see the Organisations page.
Can I call someone in prison?
No correction facility will allow people to call prisoners. Those inside however will be able to call out to people who are approved. Each facility will ask from the prisoner for a list of people and their contact phone numbers that the prisoner would like to call. Each phone number will need to go through an approval process which may take more than a week. Part of this process may be to telephone you to confirm the phone number is your number and that you are happy for the person to call you. If you do not want someone to call you, you are able to advise this to the person calling you, or by contacting the correction facility and letting them know.
Once a number has been approved the prisoner is able to use the calling system in place in the facility to call a person. In Australia, the prisoner needs to transfer money from their prisoner account to the phone account to pay for calls. In NZ prisoners in all facilities except Wiri are given free calling to NZ numbers as well as overseas (30 minute limit per week). 0800 numbers are only allowed to be used in Wiri.
How do I go about visiting someone in prison?
Details on how to arrange visits can be found on the correction facility website (a link is provided on our Correctional Facility Information page). In general most facilities require paperwork to be completed for identification purposes. It is the responsibility of the person inside to send out the paperwork. Completing this paperwork and receiving approval to visit may take a couple of weeks. Once approval is given, you will need a pass. In most facilities this must be sent out by the person inside and will say what day and time you have been given permission to visit. Please note there are generally specific days and times for visits. Some of these days may allow children to visit, others may not. Special visits can be arranged at the discretion of the correction facilities manager i.e. if traveling in from overseas. These, like other visits, do need to be organised before the day of the visit.
Most facilities only provide visitation on certain days of the week, i.e the weekend when inmates are not working. Those on remand may have 2 visits per week in many facilities. Information on visitation days will be available on the correction facility’s website. Most visits are between 1/2 an hour to one hour. Extended visits may be arranged for special circumstances.
On the day of the visit, you need to take your pass that has been sent to you and a form of identification, such as your passport, drivers license, government issues photo identification. Other forms of identification such as birth certificates, electricity account, marriage certificate may also be accepted however you may need more than 1 form of these types of identification. Some prisons require this identification for your first visit, and will use biometric identification technology such as scanning your irises (your eyes) and / or taking fingerprints at this time. Following visits will not require you to bring identification as they will ask to scan your eyes instead and this will identify you as the same person.
The area which visitations is held in will look different for each facility. Some visits may be held in a small room behind a glass window. Visits for the majority of people will occur in an open room and have specific seating for visitors and separate seating for those imprisoned. Some facilities will have tables and designated seating for the prisoner and families. Prisoners will not in these places be able to move from their assigned seats. All facilities do not allow much physical contact beyond a handshake, hug and kiss at the start and end of visit. Some facilities also will not allow children to sit on the knee of those who are imprisoned.
When you are visiting you should try to stay calm and act professionally. Be considerate of others by not laughing or talking to loud so to disrupt others.
Please note that requests for visits may be turned down or terminated for reasons such as behaviour of the person inside or others that might make visitations unsafe, behaviour of the visitors, lack of identification or an adult accompanying a person under the age of 16 years. Visits may also not be allowed if there is concern the visit may breach a Protection Order or Apprehended Violence Order (AVO). If you have an order against the person you want to visit, you may be asked about this on the visit approval form and be required to present your protection order to the correction facility prior to visiting your person.
Each correction facility has different guidelines as to what is acceptable to bring into the facility. Some correction facilities state that no bag, phone or cigarettes for example can be brought onto the premise. Other facilities will allow these but they must be locked into a cabinet prior to entering the visitation area. Each facility also has different criteria for what can be deposited at the office for the person inside at the time of visit. Some allow newspapers, magazines, photographs, along with new socks and underwear. Others will only allow phone cards and money. Please see the correction facility website for more details for where your loved one is.
Travelling and accommodation needed to see someone in prison can be costly to families who may live a long way . Some states provide a travel and accommodation assistance scheme that can help families meet some of these costs. Some states such as NSW provide an option for people in Sydney who live a long way from the prison to have video visits from the Community Restorative Centre in Sydney
Can I write or email to someone in prison?
Being able to communicate with those outside the bars is important for people inside. Coping with the anxiety of prison life, shame, fear and worry about family members can be overwhelming and difficult to manage. Writing letters or emailing is a helpful way to not only stay in touch, but allow the person to feel human and of value again. this can assist in getting through each day.
Every correction facility has provision for visiting or writing to a person inside. Some facilities have the option of providing email service where you can write to the person inside and this is printed off and given to them. The person inside however does not have access to email back to you. They will need to write to a letter and send by mail. This make take more than a week to get to you.
To find out how to contact your person, see details as are provided on the correction facilities website (a link to these sites is provided for you on our Correctional Facility Information page. Strict rules generally apply for content of any communication into the prison, i.e. threats of harm, gang affiliated language are not acceptable. As all mail is required to meet standards of the correction facility, it is able to be read. In general mailing someone in prison will take longer than regular mail to an address in the community. This is due to the processes in the mailing area.
I don’t know what to say to my person inside
Communicating with someone in prison can be challenging. Both you and the person inside may be under a lot of stress and in times like these, miscommunication can cause conflict unintentionally. Other times you may be unsure whether you should talk about the good things that are happening in life, knowing that the person inside cannot experience these. It might be helpful to ask the person what type of things they would like you to talk about. Most often, people do want to know what is happening in the ‘real world’.
It can be helpful to think beforehand of topics to talk about that will not likely upset a person unnecessarily. If a person does get upset, do not argue with them but assist them to calm down by talking quietly and not aggravating them unnecessarily. If a person does not calm down, support is available through prison officers present in the room.
If there is distressing news, consider how this might be handled by the person at the time, and whether it is appropriate to do so in a public place. If you are concerned, please speak to the prison social worker, chaplain or other staff to work out the best way to share bad news.
How much money, clothes, items should I send?
You may have been told that you have to send money, clothes or phone cards so that a person can survive. There is firstly no mandate for you to do this. Your person will have clothing provided – may not be style they like. They will also get three meals a day. The basic need of food and clothing is taken care of. However there are some items that may make life easier for the person inside. Christopher Zoukis has some great advice in his Huffingpost article The 5 Best Items to Send to Your Loved One in Prison. He writes about sending in letters / emails, money, books, magazines, and newspapers. This article is very informational and provides a good basis for making decisions.
You may be asked by your person to send in a considerable amount per week. Each facility sets a limit on how much a person can withdraw per week in a facility. If you are planning to send money either through post, or by BPAY which most facilities have, and are unsure how much to send, consider what items the person will be needing to buy (i.e. soap, shampoo, biscuits, noodles, stamps etc). Will the person need to be buy phone cards to ring you and others or will you be sending these separately? Finally how much can your budget allow so that you and others are not being punished also?
In addition to the list in the article, photographs may also be appreciated. Be mindful that any photographs may be seen by other prisoners. Clothing, shoes and additional items such as alarm clock, radio etc are also allowed in some facilities. A list of items allowed to be sent is usually available on the Correction Services website, or may be sent out along with visitation approval documents. In general, a prisoner has to have a list of items (not including money or phone cards) approved for sending in. Once approved, this list is forwarded to you and must be returned with the items. Please note that corrections facilities may have rules about what colour clothing you are allowed to send. Clothing that does not meet the colour rules will not be permitted to be given to the prisoner. Items, except for phone cards or money, generally have to be sent in by mail and are not able to be given to the correction facility on visits.
Is it appropriate to take children to visit?
Research shows that it is important for children to maintain a relationship with their parents,even if their parent is in prison. For those that are inside and wanting to redevelop or maintain relationships with their family, visits with one’s children are also important and can be helpful in rehabilitation. Depending on the context there may be boundaries put around visits for safety reasons and this is determined by the correction facility on a case by case basis.
Often there is concern about children going into a prison. Children, as with all visitors will only go into the visiting area. This area is sparse and limited in space, however will generally contain toys or an activity pack available (available from the officers) for children to help keep them occupied. There are guidelines around visitations with children in all prisons. Most facilities do not allow any items to be brought into the visiting area apart from a key to your locked cabinet where you store your keys etc. If you are bringing a baby, you may be able to bring a bottle and nappy in some prisons. You are not able to bring any toys into the visiting area.
Some facilities will not allow children to sit on their father’s knee (if the father is the one in prison). Other facilities provide a family specific visiting area which is more comfortable for children. It is important that you find out what the expectations are in the correction facility you are going to visit. Details of the visitation area should be available on each correction facility website (links can be found on our Correctional Facility Information page).
Preparing children to visit is important to making prison visitations successful. Giving children information about what the person visiting might wear, where people might sit, processes that need to be gone through e.g. scanning before they can see their family member. Children may also ask a lot of questions. It is important to give them factual answers in a way they can understand. Just Us have put out a good resource Sentanced: What next? that has a section on preparing children for visits, along with information for parents of children going to visit.
I am concerned about the person’s mental or physical health, who can I talk to?
You may be aware that your person has been struggling with mental health or physical health problems before they were sentenced. It may be that you notice that your person is becoming more depressed or anxious. You may be able to talk about this with your person and get them to seek help. Each prison has social workers, medical and nursing staff. The prisoner can make appointments to see these people, however unlike outside, these appointments may take time before a person is seen unless there is urgent need. If there is something you are concerned about and your person does not feel they are able to ask for help, you may contact the social worker at the correction facility for assistance.
I have just visited and had a difficult time with the person. What do I do now?
Preparing for, and attending a visit can be emotionally draining for you. This is even more so if the visit has been cut short by either the prisoner or yourself because of behaviour. It can be easy to blame yourself for things you should or should not have said. Although there are some things that can be thought about when communicating with someone in prison it is important that you understand that the situation you are both in right now is very stressful. Anxiety, frustration, and irrational thoughts can lead to things being misunderstood. Do not be too hard on yourself, but accept that at this time, there are many factors that can make communication very difficult.
It is important that after a visit like this that you take care of yourself. Make time to do one of your self care strategies. Talk to a social worker from the correction facility , community agencies (please see list for your area on our Organisations page) or other person about how you are feeling so that you can put things into perspective.
Preparing to visit again after a visit that has not been positive can be difficult as you think back to what you felt like. Trying to walk into a room where you know people saw the last visit can make you feel ashamed. You do not need to feel this way. Be assured that others in the room have had difficult conversations with their loved ones at times and will understand.
If the behaviour of the person you are visiting is the reason for the visit to be cut short. It is important that they realise that their behaviour was inappropriate and that you do not need to put up with that behaviour. Setting good boundaries around what you will and will not put up with while a person is in prison may assist you to keep putting good boundaries in place when the person returns home. It is important at the next visit that a way forward is worked out for you and your person about expectations on visits. If you feel this is not going to occur, you do not need to attend a visit. It may be more helpful for you to decline the visit until you are able to put things in place so that you can leave feeling okay.
I don’t know if I will be able to pay the bills now?
If the person who is inside was the primary wage earner, you may have concerns about how you will manage financially. There may be financial assistance that can be provided through Work and Income (NZ) or CentreLink (AU) at this time. Managing the bills that come in on a lower income can be challenging and free support is available through budgeting services in each area. It is recommended that you seek assistance around finances as soon as possible to avoid additional stress when bills are not able to be paid.
Some community agencies are available in each area (see Organisations page) and can provide transport either free or at reduced cost to the correction facility. They may also be able to provide gifts for children at Christmas time.
I can’t stop thinking about this and its affecting my work and family. What can I do?
It is normal at this time to think about the person inside regularly throughout the day. For many people this thinking may be constant and may interfere with their work and family which adds additional challenges to the situation. It is important to recognise if this is happening to you and get support so that you can manage what is happening, and continue to be their for your children and loved one inside.
There are specific community agencies for families of prisoners available in most areas who have someone that you can talk to (see Organisations page). Please use these services as they can assist you to put in place strategies to manage all the different things that are happening at this time. Some of these agencies also provide support for children.
As well as talking with people, there are many supportive online forums /blogs where people can write of their experiences and seek support and advice from others. This can be very helpful and provide you with strategies that others have used when going through similar situations. A list of online forums/ blogs is available in our resource section under online forums/blogs.
Please feel free to leave a comment with any questions you may have. We may not be able to provide you with an answer but may be able to point you in the right direction.
