It’s Christmas again. Birthdays and Christmas hit me hard as I am sure they do you too. Its difficult to think of the last nice Christmas, you know in the setting that everyone thinks of… laughter, plenty of food, everyone loving….
Doing Christmas just seems so much harder with someone inside. I wrote a post last Christmas where I talked about the year I struggled to put up the Christmas tree. This year, true to what I wrote, the Christmas tree is up, the decorations are on, and there are even some presents underneath.
Sure I have still shed tears this past week knowing our special person is not at home. But I try to keep my thinking from going to the deep dark places.. Here are three of my intentional thinking tips for this year. They come from a book I have recently read called ‘The Resilience Project’ by Hugh Van Cuylenburg. You might want to try thinking about one thing under each heading each day as I am currently doing.
What have I been grateful for?
In the book mentioned above it describes gratefulness as ‘paying attention to what you have instead of what you don’t have’. I know there are a lot of things that i am grateful for in life. But knowing that a lot of my grief comes from the whole prison process, I have tried this year to focus on the good things i have had in this process this year and not just the sad and worrying times that have also been present.
I am grateful through it all my person is alive. I can talk to them on the phone and even send an email. I am grateful that probably I get more communication now than I have had for many years due to their circumstances. This year I am grateful for the special visits I have been given on occasions. I am grateful for the kindness of the female warden this last week who comforted a crying woman in the visiting room. I too am grateful for the tissues passed to me by other wardens. I am also really grateful for the other people who in the visiting room who are friendly and speak a kind word. I have needed that time and again.
How can I intentionally show care to others around me?
When we do something nice for others, even something little, a chemical called oxytocin tin is released in our brains. This helps us feel happy, joyful and love. I can make sure I smile at someone new in the visiting room at my next visit. I think of other children who wont have mum or dad home for Christmas and make a small donation because I don’t want them to be worse off. I go through my cupboard and donate clothes I haven’t worn this year to the thrift shop. I give a christmas card to the elderly neighbour next door.
How can I take time to just stop and focus on the moment each day?
Mindfulness is an ancient tradition and many including me find it too hard. That’s normal when there is a lot of stress or trauma from the past or present. Some find it easier to be mindful when they take a walk around the block, or read an inspirational passage and reflect on it, or listen to a 2 minute meditation on a meditation ap. I just needed to actually stop! It helped this last week when I got sick and was made to stop! A good reminder that none of us can keep going like we sometimes do.
The benefits though are I am starting to feel more in control of my thoughts – and I will certainly need it leading up to Christmas day!
So this Christmas try a gift for yourself… giving yourself the keys to a happier, content and fulfilling life in 2020 no matter what the situation is!