It’s Christmas Day….

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It.s Christmas morning and you are already wondering how you will get through the day. Salads to finish, the BBQ to prepare, and presents to open. Let’s not minimise trying to deal with different family members also.

When you then realise because you were in another room that you have just missed your phone call from the prison for the day, it doesn’t take much to throw you off balance. Just the thought alone is enough to send you into the shower to cry cause it’s one place where no one will see your tears as you try to hold it all together.

Christmas is a day that traditionally families get together. However as much as you love everyone, and want them all there, having a person missing, sitting in a cell takes a lot of the joy away. One may not feel like celebrating.

You wonder what that person is doing. One reader told me all the people in their men’s prison unit got a bunch of flowers yesterday for Christmas. Just the thought brought a smile trying to picture the setting. Most prisons also put on a Christmas lunch. Maybe even a church service. Something happens, even if we aren’t there.

It is hard however doing Christmas knowing someone isn’t joining you this year. There are many times in life that we hold it together just to get through. That may be it for you for today.. just surviving Christmas and that’s ok.

If you believe in the birth of a child who is the king of the universe, it’s a day that reminds you there is hope and that life will not always be as sad or draining as it might be today. If you believe its just another day with the over commercialisation and a big jolly Santa, then forget the society messages and treat it as just another day, one like every other day you have made it through so far.

If there are family at home today give them a hug, because they are there. For those alone, I encourage you to take up an invitation to join someone else today, or visit the community Christmas lunch. You may not feel like it, but sometimes not being alone with your thoughts may be the best medicine. If you don’t feel like company, the perhaps do something different like going for a walk, taking a drive, or reading a book to take your mind to a more positive place.

Whatever you do, don’t put more pressure on you than you need to pretend everything is ok. It’s not okay. You are allowed to cry, feel sad, and share a moment to think what if things were different. Then pull your pants up, take a big breath and know that together we can get through another day.. Christmas Day.

If today is all feeling too overwhelming and you can’t seem to get past it, please call lifeline, beyond blue, Samaritan’s or any other telephone counselling service you have in your area. People will answer even on Christmas Day because they too know how hard this time of the year can be, especially if someone is missing from the room.

Know today someone is thinking about you! You are not forgotten.

Merry Christmas!

Nadia

A blue Christmas

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‘Have you got all your decorations up?’ I was asked.

Every year I have put on the Christmas carols and decorated the Christmas tree while singing along with family. It was a time when I intentionally thought about the good things that had happened that past year, children’s milestones, different adventures, fun times, but this particular year I couldn’t. I just felt so blue.

How can one could do Christmas when a special person was locked away and not able to be there. I didn’t know how to do this, and lost in my grief and loss, nothing about this time of the year felt like Christmas.

I wanted to cry every time I thought about getting the Christmas tree out. And that year it never came out. The decorations stayed in their boxes.

You are not alone if feeling this way. Others have too and got through it. The following year I read a post on Prison Talk (an online forum for people with someone in prison) that a woman whose son was away set up a Blue Christmas project. Many others joined her and you may want to think of something similar yourself. That year this person put blue lights around the tree – representing that she was feeling blue because a loved one was inside and couldn’t be there. The blue colour she wrote also gave a sense of calm. Other people also posted of putting up blue lights, lighting a blue candle, adding a blue ribbon to a wreath, and similar ideas.

Doing something special, something new with this person in mind can help one feel that they are still part of your Christmas. It may not involve a blue light. It could be a photo decoration with the persons photo inside, it might be something that reminds you of something positive about that person, i.e. an ornament that reflects something they like. Another woman I know makes or buys a new Christmas tree decoration each year that reflects a key event. The year her son went away she hung up a wooden cross with a gold love heart hanging on it. She tells me it still goes up every year although he is out now.

The Blue Christmas project is one idea that I could have energy to do and reflects how I feel. It makes me feel I am not alone in this, there were others with blue lights up too. It also reminds me, that even with someone inside, life still goes on, and I have a contribution to make to those around me – even in keeping family traditions and making the time enjoyable and special for them. Although a lot of our worry and thought is for the one inside, others are just as important.

If you decide to do something, make sure you tell the person inside what you are doing. Let them know when you are putting it up and that it is about remembering them at this time also.

You may decide not to do Christmas like I did the first year. I can’t say it was a great time, and although I felt I didn’t have any energy at that time to do any different, I determined I wouldn’t do that again the next Christmas. It just left me feeling more depressed.

You may also be feeling like this. If so, can I encourage you to talk to someone, whether a friend you know, Lifeline, beyondblue, a counsellor or even your GP. It is hard and none of us can do this alone. We aren’t made that way. There is support available and it can help us be stronger and get through using positive ways of coping.

May I wish you this year no matter your circumstances, a Christmas where you are able to feel love and peace and share that with those around you both inside and out.