A holiday….
Christmas has come and gone and everyone is talking about going away. So when did you last have a holiday? Or do you feel like I did that I couldn’t have one. I couldn’t have one because the person I loved was in a place where they were not allowed to take a holiday to some exotic island. How could I go and do something that was enjoyable when they are suffering?
It might also mean that I miss out on visiting that person. I mean, in their limited world, I had to make sure I was there to visit right? It wouldn’t be fair otherwise right?
I had the opportunity to have a holiday at one time. With all those thoughts above going through my head, I felt guilty the whole time. I didn’t enjoy it one bit.
It took something I read to challenge me about what I was choosing to put myself through. I hadn’t thought I was choosing. I was the one landed in this place by the other person and their behaviour that put them in prison. That was no choice!
And no, it wasn’t a choice you or I had. What I didn’t take on board through all this was that although I didn’t have a choice in living with someone in prison, I actually did have a choice in how I wanted to continue to live.
I could actually choose what I did and did not do each day. I could choose to deny myself pleasures because of guilt. Or I could reframe it and understand that I needed to especially need to treat myself due to all the additional stress I was under to stay well. I could stay at home and not take a holiday, or I could say, you know.. here is an opportunity to renew my own energy and strength so I can be more present for the person inside.
So, I challenge you.. when is your next holiday. It could be just staying with friends or family for a night to get away from it all, or an overseas trip.
Take a break! You deserve it!