The first visit

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I still remember the day so clearly.  It was a mission to even make it to this day.

I arrived at the Correction facility with what I thought was plenty of time – just as the information that was sent to us said.  It wasn’t!  I really had no concept that I would need to queue up  to present my documentation and ID.  I learned the hard way that I couldn’t bring in things for my person at a visit at this correction facility (and later that other facilities have different rules around what can and cannot be brought into the facility at visits).  I felt stupid taking a bag of things back to the car.  I obviously stood out as being a ‘first time visitor’.

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Hello world!

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It took a while before I thought I could say ‘hello world!’ For a long time now I have cocooned myself.  Trying to find a safe place to just be.   I look back and see how I truly was in a robotic state, no matter how hard I tried to continue to be a mother and a partner, a worker and a friend. Very few asked what was happening to me. Maybe I told myself I was successful in hiding what was going on. But the sleepless nights, the tears that never seemed to stop;  the thoughts that continually went through my head told the truth.  I was present in a physical sense and did what was necessary, but I felt I was dying inside. It felt like I too was locked up.  Would this feeling ever end? (more…)