‘Have you got all your decorations up?’ I was asked.
Every year I have put on the Christmas carols and decorated the Christmas tree while singing along with family. It was a time when I intentionally thought about the good things that had happened that past year, children’s milestones, different adventures, fun times, but this particular year I couldn’t. I just felt so blue.
How can one could do Christmas when a special person was locked away and not able to be there. I didn’t know how to do this, and lost in my grief and loss, nothing about this time of the year felt like Christmas.
I wanted to cry every time I thought about getting the Christmas tree out. And that year it never came out. The decorations stayed in their boxes.
You are not alone if feeling this way. Others have too and got through it. The following year I read a post on Prison Talk (an online forum for people with someone in prison) that a woman whose son was away set up a Blue Christmas project. Many others joined her and you may want to think of something similar yourself. That year this person put blue lights around the tree – representing that she was feeling blue because a loved one was inside and couldn’t be there. The blue colour she wrote also gave a sense of calm. Other people also posted of putting up blue lights, lighting a blue candle, adding a blue ribbon to a wreath, and similar ideas.
Doing something special, something new with this person in mind can help one feel that they are still part of your Christmas. It may not involve a blue light. It could be a photo decoration with the persons photo inside, it might be something that reminds you of something positive about that person, i.e. an ornament that reflects something they like. Another woman I know makes or buys a new Christmas tree decoration each year that reflects a key event. The year her son went away she hung up a wooden cross with a gold love heart hanging on it. She tells me it still goes up every year although he is out now.
The Blue Christmas project is one idea that I could have energy to do and reflects how I feel. It makes me feel I am not alone in this, there were others with blue lights up too. It also reminds me, that even with someone inside, life still goes on, and I have a contribution to make to those around me – even in keeping family traditions and making the time enjoyable and special for them. Although a lot of our worry and thought is for the one inside, others are just as important.
If you decide to do something, make sure you tell the person inside what you are doing. Let them know when you are putting it up and that it is about remembering them at this time also.
You may decide not to do Christmas like I did the first year. I can’t say it was a great time, and although I felt I didn’t have any energy at that time to do any different, I determined I wouldn’t do that again the next Christmas. It just left me feeling more depressed.
You may also be feeling like this. If so, can I encourage you to talk to someone, whether a friend you know, Lifeline, beyondblue, a counsellor or even your GP. It is hard and none of us can do this alone. We aren’t made that way. There is support available and it can help us be stronger and get through using positive ways of coping.
May I wish you this year no matter your circumstances, a Christmas where you are able to feel love and peace and share that with those around you both inside and out.